My
Story… An Untold Version
Now
that I am posting on an “actual” blog I feel as though I need to have a story,
something about a story makes things seem more official. My heart is beating a bit faster and my
arm-pits begin to sweat as I start to write this post, this always happens when
I know I am sharing something the Lord has put on my heart or prompted. I have
never liked starting my story at this place in my life because I am admitting
to something I like to pretend never took place. My story has depth from birth to age 14 BUT
this story and part of me starts at age 15.
I was bulimic and anorexic in the middle of my 9th grade
year, although since 7th grade I had accepted Christ I was very
confused, I was lost inside. I say I was
anorexic because I would try so hard not to eat and when I did I would make
myself throw-up usually in the shower where no one could hear me. I felt control, it made me feel better. I would run for miles and miles escaping
something, a loneliness I didn’t know how to explain, which is where I first
experienced “runners high.” During this
season of my life I moved out of my mom’s house and into my dad’s, stepmom’s
and youngest brothers house, leaving behind my sister and other brother. Too many emotions to filter for a 15 year
old, so the disease spiraled further, the skinnier I got the better I felt and
if anyone were to address it, I would easily dismiss it because no one would
push. I also, looked on the outside
happy and put together, which was not the case.
I cried myself to sleep often, feeling so alone. I did have family around but I had isolated
myself and mostly pretended it wasn’t a problem and that I was okay so why
would I need them and what would I be confessing. I didn’t know what really needed to be fixed;
how do you fix something that you feel is not broken. The summer was filled with travel because my stepmom
was a flight attendant and it made it easy to continue the crazy cycle because
we were constantly on the move.
As 10th grade approached
and things were more consistent it got harder and more tricky to hide what I
was doing to myself; when I felt trapped and unable to throw-up I would take
diuretics. The sensation I felt through
this time was very real, as if I were accomplishing something important in me
and for me. Well, the only
accomplishment I got was a super skinny body, a throat that was always sore,
thinning hair and eye lashes and a heart that felt heavier than my own body
weight for my first day of High School.
Still the effects were not enough for a bunch of new kids or teacher’s
notice. Needless to say I “fit” the part,
I was skinny, had very long blonde hair kissed from the sun of the many beaches
I visited that summer and dressed in new clothes all the time. The Lord is good though because that year at a new school he put me
smack dab in the middle of bunch of girls that new Jesus or at least came from
homes where rules were followed and grades were of the utmost importance. Although home life was always unsettled those
high school years and the opportunity to hangout often with these ladies was
lacking, they came from good homes and made wise decisions. I was lucky to not be swayed further into my
dark world. Pieces and parts of them
started to heal my heart. The last straw
was when my step-mom caught me in the bathroom making myself throw-up. An awakening moment for someone to see me in
that place, but so thankful because that day I began to change on the inside.
Unfortunately, it still took years
to develop a healthy relationship with food.
It was however the beginning of a passion and at times an obsession I
have with food. From the time my heart
changed I weighed in at about 105lbs, made my way up to 140lbs with bad acne
and leveled out around 130ishlbs by graduation.
Here is the place where I saw how stress can completely effect how you
eat and how your body can not digest the food properly when you have too much
emotional things attached to it. Heading
out of state for college and finding a health nut as a best friend was what the
doctor ordered and God ordained.
Although our research was lacking the understanding of quality of foods;
my college roommate and I would grocery shop together and make home cooked
meals, rarely did we eat out. I did not
experience the freshmen 15, my acne started to get better as time went on that
first semester, and my body began to find a balance. I joined Crew that year and was able to feel
that “runners high” feeling once again and really started a relationship with
working out and the health benefits mentally and physically that came with
it. I was healing from the inside
out. The roomie and I giggle often as
she is starting a new career in nutrition at our “well” balanced meals in
college. It was a starting point and a
reminder we all start somewhere. As all
good things come to an end so did college; following my 2003 graduation I
filled a backpack and boarded a plane alone to meet some family friends in
Germany. “The Girls” we called them,
three of them, all beautiful and all so different in my eyes. We grew up neighbors at our summer lake
houses. We literally watched each other
grow and change year after year. The one
thing that was consistent was that they were vegetarians and they used natural
methods for healing and seemed to always be so healthy. I was curious and I was hooked.
Needless
to say, I continued my backpacking trip alone in Europe and proclaimed I was a
vegetarian for the remainder of the trip.
Those mozzarella and tomato sandwiches never got old! As I got home, it
was hard to be consistent until I started reading literature on
vegetarianism. My mom and I both decided
one weekend while at the lake we would become full blown vegetarians. As stated
earlier, I was still on a journey with food, I continued to be a vegetarian for
5 years and in between that obsessed at times in veganism and raw food. In each category of life I walked away with
something. In Alicia Silverstone’s book, The Kind Diet I really learned the
concept of thinking it out before you eat it.
She writes about the benefits of really giving thought to how that
particular food will make you feel after you eat it and is it really worth
it. After a few years, time went on
during all of this experimenting, and throughout my first pregnancy. All the while, in my last year of teaching I
was sick all the time, not enough to have to stay home from school but enough
not to feel well often. It was at this
time, looking back, you can once again see how stress plays a HUGE toll on your
body. I had the weirdest ailments, like
pin needles at the ends of my fingers, horrible sinus infections, a spot on the
top of my head that itched all the time, constant sore throats. I experienced
all of this, all the way to Minnesota (husband’s job-yes I got married in
between all that too) and back to Texas with our first child. At this point I am a sickly human being but
don’t realize it because the symptoms were not as noticeable since the stress
level had gone down a few notches, only a few! During this time I continued researching
veganism, and realized that I feel better when I lay off the dairy, my body
functions better. I eat it now but I
know my body better and also know when its time to take a break. As for Raw food(organic)…eat more of it I am
reminded, it is made from the Earth, unchanged and exactly how God created
it. I learned about juicing and the
benefits it has for our bodies and our children’s bodies.
At
this point in my life I am gaining knowledge about food year after year, but
not seeking God’s direction in it all.
We had trouble getting pregnant with baby number two and this was the
beginning of really seeking out all things natural and healing. I was still a vegetarian at this point(not
eating a well balanced protein filled plate), which is an important factor to
why the Naturopathic Doctor found Candida throughout my entire body. Candida is an over growth of sugar inside
you, it’s a beast. She helped me cure it
naturally through herbs and diet. The ailments listed above were red flags for
years trying to get my attention. It
took 6 months to cleanse my body “just enough” to get pregnant. Please note the just enough to get pregnant
part, because I wasn’t completely strong and healed, physically, mentally or
spiritually. My body needed another 6
months to heal and strengthen. I was too
focused on getting pregnant that moment that I lost site of health and
Jesus. This pregnancy was the hardest of
the 3, I was weak, I was not whole.
Number 2, has since day one had skin ailments and I know there is a
connection, I feel it in my gut as a mother. She screamed for 8 months, her
legs would flare up and look like fiery patches. Now she is 3 and a half and we are still
battling skin stuff. Baby Number two
also is the road map to my changing diet and seeking alternative methods to
heal and growing closer to Christ.
I
learned to hit the floor and pray, to call on the Holy Spirit, I learned that
going to the health food store would give me better options for fighting
ailments my family faced, and I also learned that we had to add meat to our
diet. We were trying so many different
things to clear her skin, NAET, home remedies, diets, etc that I came across
Sally Fallon’s book, Nourishing Traditions from reading Lindsay Bentley’s Blog (http://lindsayleighbentley.com) and Yankee Homestead Blog(http://www.yankeehomestead.com). Since reading
this book, implementing bone broths into our lives, organic meats, fermented
foods and yes essential oils too our lives are forever changed. I am thankful for the journey that has led me
to this place. In each birth the Lord teaches
you something and with baby number 3 he has taught me peace and more
contentment. I am reminded often my
plate “in Life” does not need to be full right now. I am reminded to seek him more and that my
purpose is not my own.
He
has given me the gift of encouragement and I need not to sit on it anymore.
“6 We have different gifts, according to the grace given
to each of us. If your gift is prophesying, then prophesy in accordance with
your faith; 7 if it is serving, then serve; if it is teaching, then
teach; 8 if it is to
encourage, then give encouragement; if it is
giving, then give generously; if it is to lead,[b]
do it diligently; if it is to show mercy, do it cheerfully.” Romans 12: 6-8
I
have felt the push to start writing again and not just about the benefits of
essential oils. There is much healing
needed in people’s lives today through real food,
“Let food be thy medicine and medicine be thy food.” - Hippocrates
through exercise, “Those who think they have no time
for exercise, will sooner or later have to find time for illness.” Edward
Stanley and most importantly a relationship with the Lord in whom will give you
wisdom and show you the way and the path He has set for YOU, we have all been
given a different path and HUGE purpose and he needs us to be healthy to
fulfill His purpose to the fullest. “Therefore, since we are surrounded by
such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and
the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us…” Hebrews 12:1
The passion I have for food started
in a very lonely place and has developed into something much deeper, something
very real. I am fascinated in the Science of food once it enters your body, it
has to do something and be used somewhere.
And I am constantly reminded our bodies are not our own, scripture gives
us a perfect road map on how to eat and stay healthy. My hope is to help and
encourage others in this confusing and sometimes overwhelming subject of
health. I make no promises of becoming
Miss Blogger 2015, but do promise to post on topics that weigh heavy on my
heart.
Enjoy,
Kirsi Ingram
