Rewind the tape about 11 years and push play.
Scene One: the Bathroom Mirror and Me
Audience: My Husband
When: All the time
“Ugh, I feel so gross, I wish I could just get rid of this
stuff on my thighs. You know it’s
hereditary? (As if he were going to answer that question!) And my stomach, I
wish it were just more flat! Ugh, I have
no boobs, so my clothes NEVER fit
correctly.”
Scene Two: Dinner
Audience: My Husband
When: All Week Long
“I wish I hadn’t eaten that much, I feel so sluggish. I need
to unbutton my pants. I mean I ate the
whole thing, can you believe it? (He also didn’t answer this question
either-well not out loud!)”
Scene Three: The Sugary Treat
Audience: My Husband
When: Every Time we Splurged on Dessert
“Oh my gosh, I can’t believe I just ate that! I can feel it
going straight to my thighs, arms and stomach. I am NEVER doing that again!
(Until next time)”
Scene Four: The
Laundry List
Audience: My Husband
When: Often
The laundry list is when I would literally list everything I
ate that day to my husband! (I am sure he took great notes!)
The above scenarios
are real encounters between my husband and I for years. It is embarrassing to admit but also a
reminder of who I was then and who I am now.
Before marriage I was broken in the body image category, so
once I got married it did not miraculously go away. Read more about that here. I had started the healing process
years before, but there are many levels to fine tune when it came to my body
image. One of those categories was how I
perceived my own body and the effects it had on my marriage. Many precious years were spent hanging onto
an unrealistic and unobtainable body image goal dragging my husband along for
the bumpy ride. This delusional thinking
stole lots of joy from our marriage for many years.
My husband saw me
through the eyes of Christ from the beginning; it was me that never did. Because I did not see myself as the Lords
Bride I was not capable of seeing myself as my husbands beautiful bride for
years. Song of Solomon in the bible is
the most intimate Book between a man and a woman. Solomon esteems his bride in many poetic
ways.
Like a lily among thorns is my darling among the young women.
Your cheeks are beautiful with earrings, your neck with strings of jewels.
How beautiful are your feet in
sandals, O prince's daughter! The
curves of your
Thighs Are like jewels, The
work of the hands of a skillful workman. Your navel
is a rounded goblet; It lacks no blended beverage. Your waist is a heap of wheat Set
about
with lilies. Your two breasts are like two fawns, Twins of a gazelle.
Song of Solomon 7:
1-3
Reading passages from Song of Solomon makes me
feel beautiful. I am reminded of what a
healthy relationship looks like between a man and a woman. I can even look at
my thighs as jewels-they are rare beauties for my beloved to obsess over, not
me! Jesus calls ALL of us to be healthy and
noble women! We are to take care of our
temple. Noble is an army term, meaning
brave. And to be brave I had to have the
guts to start changing. God has never
given me an unrealistic body image, that comes from Satan. It is easily stirred up by comparing myself to other women and almost always consumes me. Not any more!
I brought a heaping
mess into our marriage that WAS not my husbands’ job to clean up. He did a stellar job trying to build me up. Eventually just like any losing team he got
tired of the let down and just stopped trying. Looking back now I can’t even
recognize that girl. I am somewhat embarrassed of her behavior but she is a
piece of me, a picture of change and from her a victorious battle was won to
conquer generational sin. This allows for more “magic” to take place in our
marriage-if you know what I mean! The
tools that have help me fight a negative body image are staying in the word,
surrounding myself with encouraging women, doing for others, rebuking Satan and
repeating that process over and over again.
Intimacy in the
bedroom after image distortion issues is like night and day! I am FAR from
perfect, Satan still creeps into the bedroom at times reminding me of how I do
not look like a Victoria’s Secret Model. When I rebuke Satan though, Jesus
renews my spirit quickly so I can get back to business;) Intimate moments for a
long time were more about me being fixated and worried about what MY body “didn’t”
look like. It was difficult to give all of me to my husband when half never
showed up. The more I took care of
myself, spiritually, physically and emotionally the less I thought about “me!” And when I wasn’t thinking about me, I could
be thinking about my husband more.
I don’t exactly
remember when the tables turned but probably somewhere in between clean eating,
having my first baby, being physically active on a regular basis, and seeking the Lord more to fill my cup and not my
husband. I do wish someone sat me down
with my newly married self and told me some wise words of everlasting advice so
that my journey to get to the place I am today didn’t take as long. A memo to myself:
Just Married Self,
Please read below 4 Categories to help the spark in your
marriage stay lit.
Self-Induced Verbal Abuse
For the LOVE do not verbally abuse your own body in front of
your husband by pointing out your shortcomings.. He sees you a certain way already, wonderful
and perfectly made. Every time you point
out a body part that you are insecure about, he will start to look at something
he never saw in the first place. It’s
like an ice sculptor chipping away at an incredible piece of art but never
stopping, eventually there is nothing left.
Our bodies are a gift to our husbands.
If someone were to give you a gift but before handing it over explained
every single detail about it including every single flaw would you still want
to open it? Nope! It makes it sound like trash and not a
treasure.
Find a Fo’ Real Friend and a Wise Council
The Fo’ Real friend is the one who gives you
advice with no fluff, she lets you complain about the brownies you just ate but
quickly reminds you to grab a HUGE glass of water, grab your running shoes, meets
you at the track to get a few laps in and then helps you get a game plan together
for the next day. She has a little less
grace and a big grip on reality. Also
seeking a friend or mentor that can give wise council is just as
important. This woman listens and
encourages in all the right ways, to help you spiritually go back to Christ, to
find scripture to battle any self-image or confidence lacking that is occurring
in you and affecting your marriage. A woman with wise council has objectives
that are guided by the Holy Spirit. She is a shoulder to cry on, an EAR who
listens and speaks with wisdom. We need
both in our lives! Confide in good
friends, let them encourage you and help you become a brave and confident
woman. This kind of a woman is more life
giving to others, especially her husband.
She is a Proverbs 31 kind of girl!
Oh Hosanna!
Go to Jesus.
Really! Seek Him more often. There are many tools to help keep your mind
focused less on you and more on Him.
Utilize Podcasts and just listen to different topics that encourage
you. Crank up the radio and sing! Join a Bible study. Read life-giving blogs. Continue to seek;
idle time-idle mind-idle hands are a devils handy work! Be prepared to battle old habits. Stay inspired!
Rebuke
Rebuke Satan always by speaking outloud and literally saying, “Satan I rebuke you. Satan you lie.
I am beautiful, every single part of me from the inside out! You will
NEVER take that from me. I rebuke you
from my eyes, my mind…etc.”
Sincerely,
ME!
Below is a practical everyday list of things I did over the
years to find confidence in myself. The
more I leaned on the Lord, the more I matured, and the less joy I stole and the
more life giving I became to my husband. (I am still a work in progress!) Just like the Holy Trinity is made of three
parts so is our Earthly bodies-Mind, Body and Soul/Spirit. All three need to find balance.
- Eat Healthy “Real” unprocessed foods by avoiding packaged foods and fast food as much as possible
- Exercise Regularly-below are some ideas. Remember that heart disease is the number one killer for women. Find that “thing” that makes you move!
- a. CampGladiator was a pivotal game changer for me
- b. Local Recreation Center-I made forever friends there while focusing on exercise
- c. 12Minute Athlete, the Woss (TRX) and Pinterest Board -All can be done at home, on the road, in the backyard!
- d. BikramYoga was one of the first healing and HARD workouts I did.
- e. Running/Walking are always a great option
- f. Join a Gym that has TONS of classes and try them ALL out
- SLEEP-This is of the utmost importance. Here are the numbers of hours we all need:
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| When I have enough sleep I am more able to accomplish everything else |
4. Downtime- I had to reevaluate my schedule and season of life. Being home the majority of the week works best in this season for the kids and me. I miss seeing friends/making friends but it feels right to not fill my schedule with too much stuff-even the good stuff.
FIVE main things, Food,
Exercise, Sleep, Jesus and Downtime have helped shape me into a more confident and
well-rounded woman. As I grow stronger, mentally, physically and
spiritually I grow more and more attractive to my husband and not just in the
bedroom! As my focus fell less on myself
it made more room for our relationship.
A lack of confidence is like a third wheel lurking around taking up
space, so kick it to the curb!
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| “I am my beloved's and my beloved is mine…” Song of Solomon 6:3 |
Be Brave,
Kirsi Ingram
