I Can’t Do It All-Neither Can You

 My midwife after baby number 2, sent me out the door nonchalantly saying, “Have little expectations of yourself, Kirsi.”  I didn’t know it then how much those 6 words would impact me for years to come.  Sometimes, well often, okay everyday (I am a first born-A Type-List Making Momma) I expect myself, to rise before my family, have breakfast made, lunches packed, get out the door on time, go grocery shopping, drop by the post office, run by the health food store, pit stop at the park for the kids, drop off a meal for a friend, have a warm homemade meal on the table by 5:30 PM for my family, do a craft, read some books, tidy up the house, straighten the kitchen, tend to the garden, play fetch with the dog (more like chase the dog), tuck the kids into bed, workout, spend time with The Mister, complete my bible study, write, and make time to create a Summer Bingo Board for the kids (see attached!)

  Friends, I can’t do it all-neither can you and it's okay!  Something has to give.  And sometimes I need to have “little expectations for myself.”  I spent much of my “extra” time (you know that 30 minute window give or take after all kids are in bed and before I crash! ) creating a Summer Bingo Board for my girls to use.  It may work great or it may be a complete and udder failure ending up in the trial and error section of life. We aren’t called to be amazing at every single thing we do; in fact the Lord is amazed at us even in our nothings!  I will relish in that fact.  As summer approaches I encourage you not to be discouraged when the long list grows longer.  Listen to God’s sweet elbow nudges (or maybe sharp nudge) on who, what, where, and how to spend your time.  Just like writing a good story, we get the opportunity each day to write our own.  Even better is when we invite the Spirit to help us write our daily stories. 

 The Lord had to knock on my door twice this week in regards to the verse He wanted me to share.   A dear friend texted me a bible verse that I had saved on my phone’s home screen two days prior. “Where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is FREEDOM.”  II Corinthians 3:17 CRAZY!!! No, not really when Jesus is involved.  The verse obviously spoke to me the first time I read it but the way she actually applied it to my own life made the already living word come more alive. My dear friend sent this text praying out FREEDOM’S over me: “Freedom from Strep Throat (I was sick this week and to admit I was sick brings much guilt b/c I feel as though I can control all things healthy), Freedom from actually taking an antibiotic (makes me feel like I am kicked out of the “all” natural club), Freedom from the countless rules I make up for myself (and that list is way too long to share!)”  I continue to limit myself from purely dancing in the Spirit, missing out on a promised FREEDOM filled abundant LIFE!

 In order for me to find true FREEDOM in the Lord I will be working on not making rules for myself about everything. Period!  My goal making skills can easily turn into rigid rules that I put on myself (or my children) not allowing God to work in me and through me as often. I hope to experience peace in the things we do each day.  This goes for the BINGO boards as well.  I hope they are merely an encouragement to me and my girls.  I hope they allow the Lord to lead us each day to dance His FREEDOMS. I may be victorious in some categories BUT I also fall short in others.  Joel Osteen mentions in one of his sermons that those places we fall short in are also the places we grow in Jesus more.   

Living Biblical Advice:

“Where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is FREEDOM.”  II Corinthians 3:17

Weekly Prayer: 

Holy Spirit, please give me discernment this SUMMER with the minutes in each day.  Please show me where I try to control things.  Help me find freedom in you.   Amen

Real Life Application Challenge:

 What are the things that bring peace and contentment into your life?  Focus on those things you are doing that speak to you, they are little pieces of the Holy Spirit guiding you to a place of  purpose.  Give the rest to God, find your FREEDOM.  

  Summer Break is here ya’ll, so while you are working on finding freedom from your “things” I will be also!  You are not alone, I promise.   I know the Lord will show me many things to write about and if I am lucky enough He will give me time to write them down and publish them.  I make no promises!  I whole-heartedly will be working on implementing II Corinthians 3:17 into my life.  When summer comes to an end, I want to look back with confidence knowing I gave it my all, inviting the Spirit of the Lord into my life every second of everyday in order to find the FREEDOM he has set for me and my family.  May your summer be Spirit filled!

Be Brave,

Kirsi

*Here is a link to the Summer Bingo Boards: Summer Jobs w/ Pictures(almost 4 year old,) Summer Jobs No Pictures(almost 8 Year old), Summer Bingo Board-Activities w/ Pictures (almost 4 year old), Summer Bingo Board-Activities w/out Pictures (almost 8 Year old). It will laminated front to back and the girls will use expo markers to mark off a task or activity when completed. Carnival tickets will be used for the reward system(still brain storming).  A completed board gets one ticket, therefore they have the opportunity to get two tickets per day. The tickets can be redeemed for certain things, like a trip to the $1 section at target, Movies, Water Park, Snow Cone, etc. The Contributions (not limited) section refers to a list of  jobs they can choose from that will contribute to the house in general.  The whole thing may need some tweaking as we get into the middle of it.   If all else fails I am sure Pinterest has an idea as to how I can use ALL those carnival tickets-we scratch the whole thing and start over!  The pictures are from clipart on Google.  Feel free to make changes and make it work for your family. The attached are all a work in progress.

Uncharted Territories

  An uncharted territory simply put is a new or unfamiliar state, or an unmapped area.   I got to thinking about the definition and quickly realized it’s ME!  It is my first time to live in a new town, to be married for almost 11 years, to be a mom of 3 girls, to start a blog, to make new friends, to begin some new adventures and so on. For others it may be starting a business, having a baby or not having a baby, training for a marathon, marriage ups and downs, depression, adoption, or just living each day!  Friends, our stories may be different but we all wake up each morning in a territory yet traveled on our own!

  In an uncharted territory there is no map key, nothing to tell me when to slow down, or speed up, turn left or right, climb a mountain or slide down it.  Jesus was constantly working in uncharted territories.  I can imagine Jesus spent many nights not knowing what the next day had in store but still found rest.  It did not stop him from healing the blind, bringing Lazarus back from death, talking to prostitutes, feeding millions with a basket of fish and bread, mingling with the poor, loving on children and so much more. He was equipped through the Holy Spirit.  “And I will ask the Father, and he will give you another advocate (counselor/helper) to help you and be with you forever— the Spirit of truth. The world cannot accept him, because it neither sees him nor knows him. But you know him, for he lives with you and will be in you.”  John 14-16 Jesus dismissed frustration, fear, hunger, pain, stress/anxiousness, envy, and uncertainty through the Holy Spirit.  His journey was guided each step of the way. Lucky for me I can follow the same guide in my daily tasks. Whether it is of normal daily routine or something unplanned, asking the Holy Spirit to be involved and asking Him for wisdom makes it easier to navigate through MY own uncharted territory!

  Approaching each day as if it is my first time to do it helps me tackle it with more of a profound purpose and also keeps me more aware of others.  I feel as though my heart approaches others differently when I also accept that they too are facing an unfamiliar place.  I can call on the Holy Spirit anytime and so can you!  He gives me a map key to know how to wade through the waters of frustration, monotony, confusion, and busy life moments.  He gives me grace when I need it most.  He also brings to light the AWESOMENESS inside each day. 

  Holy Spirit, while we may feel totally lost during certain moments today, please be our concrete guide to joyfully make it from point A to point B without a map key.

Living Biblical Advice:

"Trust in the Lord, with all your heart and don't depend on your own understanding. Seek His will in all you do and He will show you which path to take."  Proverbs 3:5-6

  You make known to me the path of life; in your presence there is fullness of joy; at your right hand are pleasures forevermore.  Psalms 16:11

Real Life Application Challenge:

  Personally read the Bible passages this week about the Power of the Holy Spirit. (Use the index!) Then utilize His power in your own life.

Be Brave,

Kirsi

Body Image & Marriage

Rewind the tape about 11 years and push play. 

Scene One: the Bathroom Mirror and Me

Audience: My Husband

When: All the time

“Ugh, I feel so gross, I wish I could just get rid of this stuff on my thighs.  You know it’s hereditary? (As if he were going to answer that question!) And my stomach, I wish it were just more flat!  Ugh, I have no boobs, so my clothes NEVER fit correctly.”

Scene Two: Dinner

Audience:  My Husband

When:  All Week Long

“I wish I hadn’t eaten that much, I feel so sluggish. I need to unbutton my pants.  I mean I ate the whole thing, can you believe it? (He also didn’t answer this question either-well not out loud!)”

Scene Three: The Sugary Treat

Audience:  My Husband

When: Every Time we Splurged on Dessert

“Oh my gosh, I can’t believe I just ate that! I can feel it going straight to my thighs, arms and stomach. I am NEVER doing that again! (Until next time)”

Scene Four:  The Laundry List

Audience:  My Husband

When:  Often

The laundry list is when I would literally list everything I ate that day to my husband! (I am sure he took great notes!)

  The above scenarios are real encounters between my husband and I for years.  It is embarrassing to admit but also a reminder of who I was then and who I am now.

Before marriage I was broken in the body image category, so once I got married it did not miraculously go away.  Read more about that here.  I had started the healing process years before, but there are many levels to fine tune when it came to my body image.  One of those categories was how I perceived my own body and the effects it had on my marriage.  Many precious years were spent hanging onto an unrealistic and unobtainable body image goal dragging my husband along for the bumpy ride.  This delusional thinking stole lots of joy from our marriage for many years. 

  My husband saw me through the eyes of Christ from the beginning; it was me that never did.  Because I did not see myself as the Lords Bride I was not capable of seeing myself as my husbands beautiful bride for years.  Song of Solomon in the bible is the most intimate Book between a man and a woman.  Solomon esteems his bride in many poetic ways.

Like a lily among thorns is my darling among the young women.

 Song of Solomon 2:2

Your cheeks are beautiful with earrings, your neck with strings of jewels.

 Song of Solomon 1:10

How beautiful are your feet in sandals, O prince's daughter! The curves of your

Thighs Are like jewels, The work of the hands of a skillful workman. Your navel

is a rounded goblet;  It lacks no blended beverage.  Your waist is a heap of wheat  Set about

with lilies. Your two breasts are like two fawns, Twins of a gazelle.

 Song of Solomon 7: 1-3

 Reading passages from Song of Solomon makes me feel beautiful.  I am reminded of what a healthy relationship looks like between a man and a woman. I can even look at my thighs as jewels-they are rare beauties for my beloved to obsess over, not me!  Jesus calls ALL of us to be healthy and noble women!  We are to take care of our temple.  Noble is an army term, meaning brave.  And to be brave I had to have the guts to start changing.  God has never given me an unrealistic body image, that comes from Satan.  It is easily stirred up by comparing myself to other women and almost always consumes me.  Not any more!

  I brought a heaping mess into our marriage that WAS not my husbands’ job to clean up.  He did a stellar job trying to build me up.  Eventually just like any losing team he got tired of the let down and just stopped trying. Looking back now I can’t even recognize that girl. I am somewhat embarrassed of her behavior but she is a piece of me, a picture of change and from her a victorious battle was won to conquer generational sin. This allows for more “magic” to take place in our marriage-if you know what I mean!  The tools that have help me fight a negative body image are staying in the word, surrounding myself with encouraging women, doing for others, rebuking Satan and repeating that process over and over again.

 Intimacy in the bedroom after image distortion issues is like night and day! I am FAR from perfect, Satan still creeps into the bedroom at times reminding me of how I do not look like a Victoria’s Secret Model. When I rebuke Satan though, Jesus renews my spirit quickly so I can get back to business;) Intimate moments for a long time were more about me being fixated and worried about what MY body “didn’t” look like. It was difficult to give all of me to my husband when half never showed up.  The more I took care of myself, spiritually, physically and emotionally the less I thought about “me!”  And when I wasn’t thinking about me, I could be thinking about my husband more.

 I don’t exactly remember when the tables turned but probably somewhere in between clean eating, having my first baby, being physically active on a regular basis, and seeking the Lord more to fill my cup and not my husband.  I do wish someone sat me down with my newly married self and told me some wise words of everlasting advice so that my journey to get to the place I am today didn’t take as long.  A memo to myself:

Just Married Self,

Please read below 4 Categories to help the spark in your marriage stay lit.

Self-Induced Verbal Abuse

For the LOVE do not verbally abuse your own body in front of your husband by pointing out your shortcomings..  He sees you a certain way already, wonderful and perfectly made.  Every time you point out a body part that you are insecure about, he will start to look at something he never saw in the first place.  It’s like an ice sculptor chipping away at an incredible piece of art but never stopping, eventually there is nothing left.  Our bodies are a gift to our husbands.  If someone were to give you a gift but before handing it over explained every single detail about it including every single flaw would you still want to open it?  Nope!  It makes it sound like trash and not a treasure.

Find a Fo’ Real Friend and a Wise Council

  The Fo’ Real friend is the one who gives you advice with no fluff, she lets you complain about the brownies you just ate but quickly reminds you to grab a HUGE glass of water, grab your running shoes, meets you at the track to get a few laps in and then helps you get a game plan together for the next day.  She has a little less grace and a big grip on reality.  Also seeking a friend or mentor that can give wise council is just as important.   This woman listens and encourages in all the right ways, to help you spiritually go back to Christ, to find scripture to battle any self-image or confidence lacking that is occurring in you and affecting your marriage. A woman with wise council has objectives that are guided by the Holy Spirit. She is a shoulder to cry on, an EAR who listens and speaks with wisdom.  We need both in our lives!  Confide in good friends, let them encourage you and help you become a brave and confident woman.  This kind of a woman is more life giving to others, especially her husband.  She is a Proverbs 31 kind of girl!

Oh Hosanna!

Go to Jesus.  Really!  Seek Him more often.  There are many tools to help keep your mind focused less on you and more on Him.  Utilize Podcasts and just listen to different topics that encourage you.  Crank up the radio and sing!  Join a Bible study.   Read life-giving blogs. Continue to seek; idle time-idle mind-idle hands are a devils handy work!  Be prepared to battle old habits.  Stay inspired!

Rebuke

Rebuke Satan always by speaking outloud and literally saying, “Satan I rebuke you.  Satan you lie.  I am beautiful, every single part of me from the inside out! You will NEVER take that from me.  I rebuke you from my eyes, my mind…etc.”

Sincerely,

ME!

Below is a practical everyday list of things I did over the years to find confidence in myself.  The more I leaned on the Lord, the more I matured, and the less joy I stole and the more life giving I became to my husband. (I am still a work in progress!)  Just like the Holy Trinity is made of three parts so is our Earthly bodies-Mind, Body and Soul/Spirit.  All three need to find balance.

1. Eat Healthy “Real” unprocessed foods by avoiding packaged foods and fast food as much as possible
2. Exercise Regularly-below are some ideas. Remember that heart disease is the number one killer for women. Find that “thing” that makes you move!
• a.     CampGladiator was a pivotal game changer for me
• b.     Local Recreation Center-I made forever friends there while focusing on exercise
• c.     12Minute Athlete, the Woss (TRX) and Pinterest Board -All can be done at home, on the road, in the backyard!
• d.     BikramYoga was one of the first healing and HARD workouts I did.
• e.     Running/Walking are always a great option
• f.      Join a Gym that has TONS of classes and try them ALL out
3. 
   
4. SLEEP-This is of the utmost importance. Here are the numbers of hours we all need: 

When I have enough sleep I am more able to accomplish everything else

5.     More Jesus-  I have NEVER been the quiet time queen, doesn’t mean I don’t continue to strive for that goal but it did mean I had to rely on other things to give me more Jesus.  I started using Pandora a lot more often and finding artist that encourage me through music.  I try to listen better when people talk because Jesus uses others everyday to give me a message or a reminder. I utilize free media like Right Now Media-which is provided through our church.  I also subscribe to daily devotionals like Proverbs31 Ministries.  I follow blogs from other women that keep me inspired such as, Yankee Homestead, Lindsay Leigh Bentley, Jen Wilkin, and so on. 
4.   Downtime- I had to reevaluate my schedule and season of life.  Being home the majority of the week works best in this season for the kids and me.  I miss seeing friends/making friends but it feels right to not fill my schedule with too much stuff-even the good stuff. 

  FIVE main things, Food, Exercise, Sleep, Jesus and Downtime have helped shape me into a more confident and well-rounded woman.  As  I grow stronger, mentally, physically and spiritually I grow more and more attractive to my husband and not just in the bedroom!  As my focus fell less on myself it made more room for our relationship.  A lack of confidence is like a third wheel lurking around taking up space, so kick it to the curb! 

 

“I am my beloved's and my beloved is mine…” Song of Solomon 6:3

Be Brave,

Kirsi Ingram